Instagram Life

Caleb and I often talk about the phenomenon we've named "Instagram Life."  Instagram life is simply the illusion that is your friends' lives through pictures.  Though you or your friend's life could be a total wreck, once one selects tiny, groovy snapshots of one's life, the rest of us are left to piece together what your life looks like between those pictures.  And, of course, it must be pretty awesome.  Why can't we all just live life like Instagram says we do?!

In recognition of this phenomenon, I have penned a song (cleverly titled, "Instagram Life"), set to Vampire Weekend's "Holiday."  Feel free to sing as you read -- in fact, it'll enhance your experience.  Aaaaand go.

Instagram Life

Instagram life, Instagram --
it's a wonder to behold.
Your life is simple, cool, and fun,
or that is what we are told.

Instagram life shows me that --
without any doubt --
that living in Lo-fi and Toaster
is what it's all about.

You must drink wine almost everyday
and we all can clearly see
that you look cute and so does your room
you live in Anthropologie.

So Instagram life shows me that --
without any doubt --
that living in Lo-fi and Toaster
is what it's all about.

I'll have you know that I think I am cool, too,
but I cannot measure up.
Your pictures of fresh baked goods just look
so sweet in that Earlybird light.

Your shot of that window pane
tells me I am simply inane
Your life is so vintage, it puts
the rest of us to shame.

I got light, I got Instagram
And a farmer's market too,
I'll snap some shots, tap on Hudson
and now I'm better than you.

Instagram life shows me that --
without any doubt --
that living in Lo-fi and Toaster
is what it's all about.

Where is Alice?

Since marrying Caleb, I discovered that one of his nightly routines is to crawl into bed and promptly cover his face with the sheet.  Not only is this odd, but he often tries to carry on a normal conversation with the sheet over his face, and his mouth moving underneath like a mummy come to life.  Like me, you might wonder why in tarnation this is enjoyable.  His answer?  It's comfortable.  This is not an answer to me, but I have learned to accept it.

But it looks like Caleb's blanket-face legacy will live on.  For the past couple of weeks, I have found Alice living out her father's habit.  This morning, I checked on her during her nap, and -- not surprisingly -- found this.

More power to you, little baby.  I think it's hilarious.

This Morning

Made these* for a baby shower last night

Baby Alice without her face-blanket

*P.S.  Deliciously addicting mint bars/Fanny Mae Mint Squares

A Little Bit O' Art

I should be doing dishes right now, but I had this feeling that some people might want to see this.  It's been resting in the confines of my computer for some time now, and I think now is a good time to share what I worked so hard on.  WHY I worked so hard on it, I really don't know.  But clearly the rewards were great:

This is my daughter, microsoft paint version.  The obvious facts: she's lying on a plaid blanket and there is a broadway-esque plaque above her head that has her name on it, in case you forget who she is.  She is wearing a cardigan that I actually think is cute, and some really dark brown pants that probably no baby in the world owns.  The secretive facts: she has little red-ish sticks in her hair. This is because baby Alice's blonde hair has a very slight red tone to it.  It goes without saying that spray-painting your kid's hair blonde isn't enough, and adding flecks of red really brings a real-life tone.  Rather than being small poxed, her cheeks are rosy.  And let's not forgot that she had gotten into mommy's lipstick earlier that day.

We would all do well to note that, while this skillfully crafted still life is lovely, it does not accurately represent how cute the living Baby Alice really is.  But it comes close.

Life is just laughing at us

Moments ago, I decided to take an afternoon break to enjoy an iced coffee... it's a delicious drink that is blended to perfection and poured over ice.  I cleaned the kitchen with every intention of rewarding myself with this tasty smackral (how does Pooh Bear spell that word?).  In a snap, I blended up the drink and was giddy with anticipation, briefly pausing to get Alice up from her nap and put her in her Bumper Jumper.

I skipped into the kitchen and pulled out the blender's pitcher to pour the mouthwatering contents into my glass.  I screamed.  Because THIS happened:

For reasons unknown to mankind, the bottom part of the blender popped out, and my delight splattered everywhere.  At first I yelled, "DAGNABIT!"  And then I laughed hard and asked, "Seriously, universe?"  Still caught up in the catastrophe at hand, I ran toward Alice who was jumping obliviously in the doorway and said, "The futility!!"  And continued for awhile, explaining the futility of life to a baby.

So, today, life reminded me that I have zero control by splattering my tasty Reward Drink all across the kitchen (only took several mounds of paper towels to clean it up).  How has life reminded YOU of its futility?

Dream[Nightmare]Land

Being a mom has its horrors.  One of those horrors is constantly worrying about your child, even when you don't realize it. Allow last night's dream to expound upon this:

It's morning.  I know this because Alice is crying her "I'm awake" cry in her room like she always does.  When I walk into her room, the crib is empty.  But I still hear her.  I look to my left.  The top dresser drawer is open and she is inside of it, wrapped in blankets.  Panicked wells up inside me -- terrified, I grab her out of the drawer.  "WHO DID THIS,"  I can't stop thinking.  My heart races and my head turns left, right, left -- then I see it.  A little square has been carved out of the wall, and taped inside is a note.  It says, "The Lord was leading me to hold your child through the night.  Take better care of your child by holding her instead of sleeping.  Wait 63 days to notify authorities of this."
And then I woke up.

This utter creepiness inspires many questions, the most important being how did my mind think this up?!  What is wrong with me?!?!!  I do recall, after feeding Alice at 5am, going back to bed and briefly thinking I heard a noise outside.  Does this mean that when I sleep, I believe that anything could happen to my child?  I think it does.  ...What have I gotten myself into?

I hope that dream scared you as much as it did me.

Speed Updates - the best

Hey, there!  It's been awhile, but let's forgive and forget.

I was going to greet you all with my latest/cutest Valentine's Day decor that may or may not feature my adorable daughter, but my phone (which does all the picture-taking) will not cooperate.  Its new goal is for me to hate the way it operates on a data plan and it has certainly accomplished its mission.  But you know what?  I can forgive and forget.

Since I don't have any fantastic tales to tell, here are some updates in bullet-point form (because, let's face it, we all like the luxury of reading without much effort... and writing without much effort):

-  The Hunger Games.  I read the trilogy in a matter of 3 weeks (a decent accomplishment for a mom-head).  I LOVED them.  I take issue with the ending of Mockingjay (can we please take just FIVE seconds to dwell on the man she ends up marrying... wasn't half the goal of getting through the series to find out who she ends up with??  The ending arrives and we're thrown, "Oh, real quick: I knew I needed *name of guy*.  He was perf, you guys.  I love 'im.  We go married.").  Forgive and forget.

-  Alice has been a little chatter box lately and I can't get enough.  She cracks me up.

- On Tuesday and Wednesday I spent all day helping my mom with her cookie business.  It's always good to spend time in that wonderful home... it's also strange to me how eager I am to get back to my own home.  Growing up, I never thought that feeling "home" would change.

-  I feel like I've been trying to catch up in organizing my home, since we moved in in a frenzy.  I was pregnant. Oklahoma had record highs.  I walked around the house with the window units blasting and a cold cloth glued to my neck.  ...my goal was just to unpack boxes.  So now I have a drawer in the living room filled with crafting things.  And a drawer in the nursery filled with crafty things.  Some in a random cabinet.  And some under the bed.  It's like a crafting scavenger hunt whenever I need glue.  Today I plan to organize.

Have a happy Thursday!  Forgive and forget.