Tornadoes Suck

Oklahoma: May 3, 1999 

Yeah, I said it.  And even though I refrain from using the word "suck" due to its super lameness, I'm using it here because it's the truth.

So, raise your hand if you're one of those weird Oklahomans who LIKES tornadoes!!  Because there are plenty of you guys and, let me tell you something, I don't know why.  Even people who are supposed to be afraid of things -- like English majors -- like them.  There are people here who grow up "watchin' tornadoes on the porch 'til it gets close, then we run inside."  I don't get it.  I never will.  Tornadoes suck HOUSES into the sky, okay?  Houses.  And people.  Why are they, in any way, shape, or form, cool to watch??

I am terrified of tornadoes and it just so happens that we have warnings of TWO nights of tornadoes coming our way.  In the night... in the dark... when you can't see them.  And after we brave one night -- assuming we live through it -- we have one more night ahead.  It's swell, really.

Allow me to say one more time how much I hate tornadoes.  I hate them more than wasps and math.  I would say that they are the scariest natural disaster, but recently Oklahoma experienced a few very mild earthquakes and they scared the pants off of me.  Nobody can warn you of an earthquake and you most certainly can't run from them... but tornadoes take a very strong second in the order of natural disaster fears.

In fact, the largest tornado on record occurred on my eleventh birthday, May 3.  I spent that evening just staring at a TV screen in tears.  I wouldn't put it past me to react the same way, at age 23.  I am the biggest baby when it comes to tornadoes.  The biggest.

So, if I survive the night, I'll see you people later.  Have a great weekend and, if you don't live in Texas or Oklahoma, have a great weekend, completely lacking in tornadoes.

If you'll excuse me, I have a runaway bag to pack before the skies are scheduled to send down their spinning demons.

Oh, Auntie Em.